<*Warning: This post not for Weak Guys or the Easily Queasy*>

 

I'm a girl who is a sucker for packaging. If it's wrapped in a pretty, well-designed box, I'll want to buy it. I love great design. Before today, I didn't think I had a limit. I was wrong. Allow me to introduce you to where design has jumped the shark:

 

Kotex Pad Design Contest

 

And I've heard tampons can now be bought in neon colors.  Really? Really??? Oh Good Lord Above, why???! Is this really necessary? This is something that we bleed all over, for God's sake. It is not something I want ANYONE to see. I don't even like seeing it myself. I have never found myself at that time of the month looking down and thinking, ya know what could use a little more color in my life? Yeah. That. What coordinates with clot red?

 

Unsuspecting Friend: Hey, Taba! I love that sweater you're wearing?
Taba: Oh, really? Thanks! It matches my tampon!

 

Apparently the peeps at Kotex have had that thought. And apparently it was too important to have one of the in-house designers have a crack at it, so they had to hire a famous costume designer, Patricia Field, who I had no idea even existed in the world until reading about this today.

 

But don't feel left out, fellow designers! You can design one too!!

 

Hey, Kotex et al, why not try putting all of that design $$ into the industrial design side of it? That's what I really care about. Form following function. Get a little Louis Sullivan action with your subject. There's a reason I don't buy your brand, and now that I suspect they'll be covered with the equivalent of a printed birthday party napkin, you're definitely not getting my biz.

 

And let's not forget, this is a medical product. Much in the same way I don't want my gauze at the emergency room to be saturated in inks and dyes, the same applies to these products. Would the ink rub off like a temporary tattoo?????! Gah!

 

I understand there is a whole movement of ladies out there who manufacture their own, using printed fabrics. I don't know why (being green, sustainable, blah blah blah, I used disposable diapers with my son too. Sue me.), but more power to them. I'd still be leary of the printed ones (hello sensitive skin!), but at least they're using actual fabric, not just slapping a stiff scratchy leftover from the kid's Dora the Explorer party around it (see printed birthday napkin above).

 

I couldn't help it though. I browsed through the entries. Wouldn't this one be like the equivalent in wrongness of burning the flag?

 

 

I don't know whether to be amused (if it was submitted as a tongue-in-cheek entry, as the name implies) or grossly offended (pun intended). I mean, if it is a serious entry, my relatives fought defending this flag, I have a good friend about to be shipped to Afghanistan, and some jackhole thinks this is a good idea?

 

This one is a combination of frightening (fangs...there?) and funny:

 

 

And, I did try my hand at designing my own.

 

This one is called either "Truth in Advertising" or "Ridin' the Crimson Tide":

 

 

This one is called "Slaughterhouse" (imagine it...ahem...afterwards):

 

 

Maybe I can get a bunch of these done up as a tie-in to my brand identity. What do you think? A leave-behind? ; )

 

 

Ya know, now I'm thinking of a new art exhibit. Gettin' all Jackson Pollock with my Auntie Flo. GROSS, right?! But I'm sure it has either

1. Been Done
2. About To Be Done
3. Is Coming Soon to a Gallery Near You.

I don't even want to google it. Only in America, indeed.